Becoming Mom-zilla http://becomingmomzilla.posterous.com trials of a self-declared overbearing first time mom... posterous.com Mon, 05 Sep 2011 21:00:00 -0700 The First of Many Tough Days http://becomingmomzilla.posterous.com/the-first-of-many-tough-days http://becomingmomzilla.posterous.com/the-first-of-many-tough-days

Long before A was born I knew the 12 weeks I had off after her birth would fly by and I would eventually have to leave her in the hands of someone else when I headed back to work. Alas, I could not have imagined how difficult it truly was. Our first 12 weeks together while sometimes sleepless, were unforgettable and quite possibly some of the most fabulous days of my life. I took the time to focus on just her, our relationship and what I could (and couldn't) do for her. Occasionally it was hard for me, and I did have those days when I felt a bit stir crazy but really, I loved it. I relished our morning play time, our afternoon naps together, the occasional mid-morning walk we took and the hundreds upon hundreds of pictures I took. As the days started to tick by and my first day back at work loomed, I started to get nervous. I had no idea how I would deal with being without her or how I would manage to focus at work while knowing she was in the hands of someone else. I remember other new moms talking about how hard the first day back was... I hadn't really understood until the day was on the horizon in my future.

Almost 2 weeks before I was scheduled to head back, hubs called our new day care and they wanted us to come in for a "test day." For whatever reason I couldn't bring myself to do it and told him and them that I didn't have them time and it wasn't going to work for us. I think my exact excuse was that we had to nap, ha! It was important! But knowing that someone else would be tending to her soon, I wrote probably the most irriating two page "note" about how Adelina slept, ate, played, etc. Needless to say even now after 7 weeks at day care I am pretty sure they still havent read my "note."

As the hours continued to fly by, I grew more and more nervous and yes I started to cry at random increments. I remember sitting outside on the front porch swing one evening waiting for hubs to get home from work... he got home and sat with us and all of a sudden turned to me and I was crying. He of course wondered what had happened. Needless to say that was not the last crying incident.

The morning of my first day was brutal to say the least. Not only did our little one not sleep (I am sure she could sense something was going on) but she was up almost 2 hours earlier than normal and hubs and I were way off in general. I had to call my boss and let her know that we were having a rough morning and I would be in late. After our rough start we all headed to the day care for our first drop off. Both hubs and I went, I think we were equally nervous about leaving her with someone else regardless of how much we liked the center. The gals that now take care of little miss were fabulous, they took her in their arms and immediately gave her hugs and love. While that helped, it also broke my heart a little... and as you can imagine the tears started flowing. A few moments passed, we gave direction regarding feeding and then I had to almost run out before I broke into a full out sob. I pretty much cried the whole way to work. I asked myself then, and still do on a regular basis, if its worth it...

The days have continued to fly by since I've been back at work and it has definitely been slightly easier to be away from A but I admittedly continue to struggle with leaving her. I am sure most moms do... I suppose we wouldn't be moms if we didn't struggle with it right?

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1404078/Adelina13.jpg http://posterous.com/users/heO3Bdr0GCmNA Trina Wardell trin9980 Trina Wardell